"You Will Never Find A More Wretched Hive Of Scum And Villainy" - Obi Wan Kenobi
Truer words were never spoken.
A word of caution before you begin. Looking at the following employee bios is much like passing by a fresh car wreck. You don't want to look, but you just can't help yourself, and once you do you can't ever forget what you've seen.
Jamie Rullie, a.k.a. "James Rullver"
Wanted by at least a dozen intelligence agencies from around the world, James Rullver disappeared after an undisclosed "incident" in Northern Siberia and was presumed dead as late as 1985. Years later an individual bearing an uncanny resemblance to the late hero and going by the name of Jamie Rullie appeared in the United States working as a print shop operator. Having never been given full access to the Russian account of the "incident" , the CIA and FBI have begun probes into the background and history of this simple man from Massachusetts to determine whether or not he is the legendary James Rullver.
Jason Mioduszewski, a.k.a "Sir"
After gaining prominence for being the first and only human to successfully ignore air, Jason leveraged his fame into a position with Lowtide Corp., the worldwide leader of soul swallowing evil. After spending what seemed like a thousand lifetimes with the company (3 months) he fled from the corporate office screaming like an enraged yeti (emerging miraculously out the rear entrance where all the smokers congregate during break time). Since tasting the sweet sweet air of freedom Jason has enjoyed his new position immensely, though the memory of his time in Lowtide continues to haunt his nightmares. To this day he will, from time to time, slowly drive by his former employer throwing "the finger" and hurling yak excrement about the premises.
Allen Mathews, a.k.a. "Buddy"
A veteran of many wars and battles, this hardened designer from the outer lands has seen virtually all that the world of graphic design has to offer. In lieu of this fact he has now set his sights on the heavens above, "to explore strange new design worlds, to seek out new lines and new color palettes, to boldly go where no designer has drawn before!"
Joseph Bellanceau, a.k.a. "José, Joey, J Dizzle, Bellcap"
A man of style and grace the likes of which the world has not seen since the time of our forefathers. Truly, to be in the presence of this master of wit and rhetoric is to be caught up in what can only be described as purest bliss in its truest form. And does he make a mean hash brown!
William Gilbert, a.k.a. "Bill, Billionaire, The Billion Dollar Man"
Bill Gilbert has been at the helm of this good ship since the year of our Lord 1876. Despite putting a good portion of his time, effort, will and very life force into this establishment he remains as dedicated and stout hearted as the day he first stepped out onto the bridge and bellowed "Do you have a minute?!" Nary a day goes by when you cannot find him either deep in the bowels of the ship overseeing repairs, charting a course through dragon infested waters, or valiantly leading the rest of his crew in desperate battle against one or another malevolent denizen of the deep.